Ian Boyne Joins Shoot Poor People School of Crime Fighting

Parody Press Release

For Immediate Release:


The “Shoot Poor People” School of Crime Fighting is proud to announce, with immediate effect, the appointment of Ian Boyne as Visiting Professor for the Curtailment of Constitutional Rights.

Professor Boyne, joins a long list of other distinguished faculty members who are on the cutting edge of curtailing the rights of Jamaicans indefinitely without any guarantee of a commensurate reduction in crime*.

Reneto Decordova Valentino Adams, Dean of the Shoot Poor People School of Crime, said this about Professor Boyne’s appointment:

It is wonderful to have an unquestionably learned gentleman like Professor Boyne joining the faculty at SPP. With intellectuals like him engaging new prospective students everyday in high profile venues like the Sunday Gleaner, we are confident we will be able to enroll even more students in the myopic cause of reducing the rights of Jamaicans via state abuse for the illusory promise of reduced crime*. We are convinced that the freedoms of Jamaicans have not already been sufficiently reduced by the apathy and abject failure of successive political administrations; so we are happy to assert without any supporting evidence that increased  state abuse would be a new and dynamic weapon in the fight against crime*.

*this definition of “crime” does not include crimes committed by agents of the state against unarmed or underprivileged citizens.

Editor’s Note: The above is a parody.

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